2 years sober, I fe...
Clear all

2 years sober, I feel like an outsider still

2 Posts
2 Users
0 Reactions
Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

I made it through Christmas and the New Year! Did I want to drink? I really didn't.  🙂  

I did feel extreme loneliness, and my husband still drink, his social life hasn't changed at all.. mine is practically non-existent. I have friends who I make all the effort with because no one can seem to have fun without the alcohol.  I tag alone and go out to eat and the bars with them. But, it's not the same when everyone drinks, and all I really want to do is go home! But, then I am home... alone... again. Does anybody else have this? I really thought with me not drinking, I would have a closer real marriage. All I feel is a void though. I try and speak to my husband but he doesn't have a lot of empathy. I try to get him to go out and do sober things with me.. like walk our dog along the beach.. or go get some coffee etc.. but he'd rather play golf and finish in the club house. He says that I am codependent and focusing on him too much to try and solve my isolation. . forgive me but I thought that's what couples are suppose to do???? I look to my friends that I do have left.. but they all still drink and all I hear about is their nights out on Facebook. I am just tired of it all. 

Rehab told me life would be beautiful once I am sober, it's been like a smack in the face with a spade, I'm lonely. I'm left out. I feel like an outsider. I don't know what to do or what to change.. also please don't hate me, but I really can't stand AA it just brings out a lot of anxiety. So, I thought I would give this community a try instead.

Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 5

I know exactly what you mean about rehabs talking up about how awesome our lives are going to be once we get out. I know it's suppose to be an encouraging thing, but I think being a bit more realistic might be more helpful, y'know? If we are having to goto a rehab, then we got ourselves into that state and our lives obviously weren't going to well, and we likely don't have much healthy interests or relationships. Most of our friends were drug or drinking friends. We can't really expect our friends to want to change just because we are now in recovery either.


It's not a quick fix.. but have you considered doing something that will allow you to meet some new people in nondrinking environment? If you can think about some interests you had where you weren't drinking.. maybe try to get back involved in those.

I've also started volunteering some and I've met some pretty cool people that way. I have social anxiety so I struggle with new people as well. I've put myself out there, and generally I am pleasantly surprised with the response. The alternative is to just stay stuck where I was, which wasn't a lot of fun. I know what you mean about loninless though. I have very few people I can actually reach out too in a meaniful way. I'm working on building new friendships so I can change that though.